.Flying Cesspools.






1. Remember to insert nonsensical words at least three times in each sentence.
2. Fall off of your chair during class and claim it was an accident.
3. Have an opposite day every day.
4. Wear shirts with obscure characters or phrases written in code. It might also be a good idea to buy a wordshirt that could have a double-interpretation/double entendre.
5. Contradict yourself in every manner possible -- appearance, behavior, etc.
6. Poke people when the opportunity arises.
7. Talk about yourself for lengthy periods of time, then scream, "ENOUGH ABOUT ME! LET'S TALK ABOUT YOU!"
8. Blame all of your annoying behavior on inanimate objects or external stimuli.
9. Convulse or have heart attacks during class.

10. When ever you answer the phone, remember to say, "I'm sorry, I do not speaketh English."
11. Scream "BLAH!" when ever someone tries to initiate converstion.
12. Make farting noises in class, then blame the kid next to you.
13. Tap or bang on anything in sight and make DJ turntable noises.
14. Say derogatory things about the person sitting next to you, as though they cannot hear you.
15. Burp loudly in your classmate's face.
16. Speak in a shrill or strange voice at school all of the time.
17. Pretend to trip over everything... especially in crowded hallways. You might also enjoy running fullspeed at vending machines or laying on top of lunch tables.
18. When somebody tries to talk to you, twirl your finger around in the air and smile.
19. When somebody sneezes, scream, "You're welcome!"

20. Always use a noisy, squeaky pencil or particularly odoriferous pen.
21. Walk up to someone you don't know and say, "I hate you, and I live in your basement!"
22. Make gagging or dry-vomiting noises during class tests.
23. Talk about the smell of dog crap, owl pellets, pig guts, cat piss, or anything gross while people are eating, then promptly ingest a sandwich while screaming, "LOOK BUDDIES! I'M EATING OWL PELLETS!" Or: take a straw and shove it in the end of an apple. Inform people that the apple needs an "anal probing."
24. Say: "Don't talk to me like that, young man!" to girls, and vice-versa for guys.
25. Sing annoying, repetitive songs in class...
26. Go into the Quiet Study room or carrel in your local library with no books or anything to work on... but remember to bring your portable CD player with head phones and turn it up as loud as it can go. If that doesn't work, make loud sniffling or snorting noises for thirty minutes and/or drop a pencil onto the floor or table every five seconds.
27. Take photos of people as they wake up.
28. Walk like a drunk person on Thursdays.
29. Laugh or giggle continuously in a magazine-machine gun manner for no reason whatsoever and don't stop until somebody goes insane.

30. When you are in a public bathroom, take a whole roll of toilet paper and slide it under the stall to your stallmate. Then, rip off a handful of paper from another roll and throw it over the other stall.
31. When you are in a public bathroom, turn on one of the sinks and stand in front of it... but don't wash your hands. Just stare at it for awhile until somebody goes insane and demands the sink.
32. Walk in circles around someone.
33. Ask somebody questions until their head explodes (this may prove a difficult feat).
34. Bash your head into your desk or book during class without warning.
35. Stab your civics/World History book and inform your teacher that you're plotting the downfall of the French puppet government.
36. Randomly threaten to stab someone with anything such as sporks, balogna, candy canes, or ice cream.
37. When a teacher yells at the class for being loud, say quietly, "God, I'm just trying to make a living." Saying, "Salami and Cheese" in a high-pitched, warbly-voice when one's back is turned may also prove particularly annoying
38. Make lippy-smackey noises while eating pizza or chewing gum. Pretend that you're chewing gum, and when a teacher asks you to spit it out, tell them honestly: "I'm not chewing anything." Or, simply spit it out onto your desk/floor.
39. Make loud beeping or low frequency buzzing sounds during class...try not to open your mouth. Look innocent by pretending to do your work.

40. Walk up to somebody whom you've never met and say, "Remember me, Jake?! I sat behind you in Math class!"
41. Throw your pencil at random kids in class whenever the opportunity arises. Keep an absurdly gargantuan arsenal of pencils for this.
42. Pretend you are a bomb. Count down from 5 to 0, then jump out of your desk/sitting position, seizure, and make exploding sounds.
43. Sing the Farty the Snowman song. "Farty the Snowman! What a holly, jolly turd. One day he cut a fart and blew apart and the children were covered splurge!"
44. Draw embarrassing pictures of your peers and tape them to the chalkboard when the teacher isn't looking.
45. Throw people's stuff.
46. Walk up to someone and say, "Are you cold? Are you cold? Are you cold?" If they say no, continue with, "Are you cold now?" If they say yes, continue with, "Are you warm?" Don't stop until they explode.
47. Squint and look suspicious... walk up to someone and say, "You're a terrorist, aren't you?"
48. While walking at a medium pace, kick your leg out at an inanimate object without warning (every 30 seconds).
49. Studder and mumble often and repeat what you say at least twice.

50. Make a glue buddy, paper buddy, string buddy, or spork buddy and hit random people with it.
51. Try to add cliched quotes into colloquial, everyday conversations.
52. Smile too often (think TWO-FINGER SMILE)... especially when people are angry at you.
53. Develop a contrived laugh, and laugh at everything your teacher says in that manner.
54. Attempt to imitate your favorite cartoon character's voice even if you really suck at it.
55. Sharpen your pens instead of your pencils. Do this constantly and act like it was an accident everytime you're caught.
56. Say "Happy Birthday" or "Happy Halloween" or "Merry Christmas" at random intervals or on wrong holidays. Or, during a class that is particularly loud, say, "I smell chaos!" You also might want to see "Merry Buddha/Crustmass" on x-mas.
57. When someone tries to initiate conversation, say, "Shh! I'm busy alphabetizing my brain cells!"
58. Instead of saying "No," say "Nar" or "Ni-yar." Instead of saying "Never," say "Nevah."
59. Convulse on your neighbor's lawn

60. Tell people that you're blind and run into things. Also, tell people that you're blind and that's why you can't hear them.
61. If you walk home from school, throw your backpack or an item of clothing on the ground and scream, "LET'S GO SLEDDING! JUST LOOK AT ALL THIS SNOW!" when there is no snow. Pretend that your backpack or item of clothing is your "sled."
62. Inform people that you have a nervous condition, then take their hand without warning and slap yourself.
63. Imitate a shrill Japanese accent. Guaranteed to annoy the hell out of everyone in a close proximity within five seconds.
64. Say "I understand" in a sarcastic voice when people try to talk to you.
65. Click your pen maliciously in your buddy's face.
66. Throw your books and binder, etc. on the floor in a nonchalant manner while someone is talking.
67. Draw pictures of your male teachers in mini-skirts.
68. Draw perverted pictures on yellow post-it notes and leave them everywhere in a public building.
69. When someone drinks water, ask him/her if it's "spiked."

70. Bring a tiny strobe light or laser to school.
71. When people bother you to a point of explosion, say, "Okay, that's it. I'm going to make a voodoo doll of you!" Say this repeatedly and act pretentious.
72. Act like you know everything in class... and have casual, glib conversations with your teacher(s) during class in front of everyone else. Pretend that you know them on a first-name basis.
73. When you bend over to pick something up, make a really loud fart sound with your mouth. Hooray immaturity!
74. When somebody bothers you, say, "You are soo R.S.B.!" If they ask what that means reply with, "Resealable Sandwich Bag!"
75. Itch yourself a lot and say that you have poison ivy.
76. Make lawn-sprinkler noises during class.
77. Pretend that your desk is a racecar! Push the desk forward and make peel-out sounds or pull the desk backwards very slowly and make loud, back-up beeping sounds.
78. Sing while you're on the toilet, not in the shower.
79. When somebody asks you a question, answer like a DJ. (make DJ turntable sounds inbetween speaking)

80. Run outside at 3:00 in the morning and rant about global warming while holding a roll of toilet paper.
81. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you like it that way.
82. Leave an obnoxious heavy metal CD in your grandparents' stereo with the volume 'properly adjusted.'
83. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
84. Interrogate strangers with odd questions and then announce they are "bugged" by the FBI or the CIA.
85. Wear your pants backwards and pretend like you don't know you're wearing them backwards. When somebody confronts you about your pants, tell them you have no idea what they're talking about and that they're being rude.
86. Decline to be seated at a restaurant and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
87. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
88. If and when you see "Mormons" or Jehovah's Witnesses walking close to your house, run inside while screaming, "THE MORMONS ARE COMING! THE MORMONS ARE COMING! AHHH!"
89. Buy some strobe light fire crackers and find a nice hiding place by a busy street. Light the fire crackers and throw them out into the median.

90. Pay for everything in pennies.
91. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
92. Write "X--BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
93. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
94. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
95. Pretend your mouse is a walkie-talkie and talk to it very loudly. "CAN YOU HEAR ME? ARE YOU THERE?" (especially effective during a Computer/Technology class)
96. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
97. Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what THEY want you to think" or "That's what YOU think."
98. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture in public places, informing others that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes."
99. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
100. Talk in that friendly drawling voice that Mr. Rogers and guidance counselors always speak in.

101. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.